I would like to say a special thank you to a guy in my church called “Steve Hood”. A fellow creative, he was the one that gave me the push to publicise my poems. I had always been shy about showing them to others, but Steve just sent me a message with two words in it : Step Out. Without that message, my poems would be still scribbled in the book I keep next to my bed. Thanks Steve.
Archive for April, 2010
I love his down to earth practical teaching, especially his quotes. 🙂
Silence, a sensual state that is very rare for me to achieve. Now that the grandchildren are always here, the usual cycle of a kip then a cup of tea is ruined. “What happens if I have an accident and you’re not there to call 999?” Or “You could spill the tea on the kids” are the usual groans that Roseanna, my 34 year old daughter, pulls out of the bag every time I complain to her.
Can’t blame her, though, seeing as her husband died recently in a car crash. Since that awful day, when he decided to drive whilst drunk and left her alone with three kids and no money, she’s doing everything she can to ensure that none of her loved one’s ever gets hurt again.
So now I lay here, having finally escaped to my bedroom and locked the door. I’m preparing myself for the blissful journey to the land of sleep. Closing my eyes, I feel an odd sense of total peace over my body; as if a good thing will soon come to an end. All I can concentrate on is the sense of understanding in my simple world and my breathing.
But that is in no way similar to what happened next. I woke up as if arising from the dead. My initial thought was that I had woken up in a hospital due to the total and blinding white light; but that assumption changed very quickly when I lifted my body. The feeling of total weightlessness, no pain from arthritis, no glasses yet perfect vision was extremely contradictory to how I felt before I went to sleep. As I lift my body I don’t understand why I don’t feel any pain. Surely the hospital can’t be that good, can it?! Once I have stretched out my once achy body, I see more totally white walls and ceilings, but the floor is different. That is because there isn’t a floor! All it is clouds oddly enough (but everything is odd in this weird place).
I look around, still half expectant to see Roseanna perched on a chair next to my bed with a worried expression that changes to relief once she has seen that I’ve aroused as well as the kids looking bored out of their heads because it’s “only another boring trip to see Granddad”; not that I’ve told Roseanna that I have heard what the kids say.
Anyway, I decide to take a walk to at least attempt to familiarise myself with this place. My legs feel like the wings of an eagle; strong and proud enough to suspend my body, yet as light and free as a feather. Oddly, I see a few faces that I recognise; most of them only from the T.V.! Martin Luther King, Steven Gately and Chris Tomlin as well as a few other faces that I would never have dreamed in a million years that I could be close enough to touch. Or is it my mind being wishful?
I didn’t have a clue until someone tapped me on the shoulder, who I instantly recognised, but in a different way to the last time I saw them. Their perfectly slender figure with a smile that bore teeth as white as he would be later in his life would look odd on any other body but his. Once I saw his ideally toned brown skin it was impossible to mistake who it was: Michael Jackson.
It seemed extremely strange to me that I was standing forehead to nose with him as I was convinced he was dead, or was that just a rumour to put the limelight off of him? Deciding that even if I woke up to discover that unfortunately it was just a dream, it would be a dream worth remembering.
So I boldly cleared my throat, a drought in the shape of a part of the body, and simply said “Hi”. Replying slowly, his voice as smooth as textured velvet, he replied the same “Hi” as I offered. Gaining confidence, as well as fear of not knowing where I was, I decided to ask “Where are we?” He replied, his voice slightly more gruff now, but only ever so slightly, “Heaven”.
At first I had to suppress a laugh, but after composing myself, I realised he was speaking the truth. Although it was different in many ways to what I imagined heaven to be like, it was also very similar. There was no negative auras around, no violence, but just genuinely happy people who’s smiles spread from cheek to cheek. We went on to talk about how we think our life panned out; obviously we both had led very different lives. We also discussed about the things we are glad we did in lives, in addition to things we regret that we did. Peculiarly enough he had lots of questions about my life, as I did for him, and we actually had lots of things in common: we both enjoy (or enjoyed) music, we both disagree with how humans treat the planet, we both have children, and lots of other things. I think we sat on the fluffy clouds for hours.
Although we had eternity to discuss all these things, we both shared an undiscussed desire to get all of our questions out within the time we had there. But there was a question that burned within me that would eat me unless I asked it soon. Without thinking, it ruptured out of me like a volcano erupting and I said “Why are you in heaven after all of the bad things you did?”
In a split second I was being carried by two burly men through a room where I saw even more of my heroes: Slash, Kevin Max, Toby Mac, but I didn’t stop in that room. Before I could make out what was happening I was dropped at a door, where a strange looking bearded man was casually leaning against a wall. Unlike the others (except the men who carried me) he was not smiling. Within a blink his expression had changed and he angrily started shouting at me “Who are you to judge people?” constantly.
But it was a rhetorical question because before I could answer I was thrown down stairs where others seemed to be coming up on a conveyer belt next to me. And that was the last memory I had before the total, everlasting blackness.
Ryan Lane 2010
I am really blessed to have grown up in the Church where the award-winning ‘River Deep’ play and worship. It’s not just me being biased when I say they are outstanding, as they have just won the award for the best independent worship album here in the UK. They are not just friends to me, but more like family. They are my influencers and role models and I would encourage anyone to hit the link at the bottom of my home page, listen for yourself, and download their album.
I’ve grown up listening to DC Talk, and their lyrics are incredible. Whenever I play any of their tracks, i feel focused, inspired and challenged. The poetry of Kevin Max will take your breath away, and he has something I can only dream of replicating. Their honesty and down-to-earth words are accompanied by outstanding music. I would encourage anyone to download the ‘Jesus Freak’ album.
I shall spend my life trying to comprehend,
That somewhere out there is a kind of love.
It’s mercy stretches so far there’s no end,
Surely it can only have come from God above.
So many times have I fallen short,
Yet you accept me every time and again.
To man this kind of love can only be taught,
Yet the merciful one could produce tears from all men.
It’s a type of favour that is so undeserved,
No Earthly treasure can quite compare.
Why is it that we often have our forgiveness reserved,
Yet we are forgiven each time we make God’s heart tear?
I am the king of sinners; I make His heart break so many times,
So why use me in His perfect story?
He could do it without me; it can’t be denied,
Nonetheless he wants to give me a share of His glory.
When I rest on my knees, guilty as charged, knowing there’s nothing I can do,
Regret overwhelms me due to the foolish paths I chose.
If I told you how much shame I felt, you still wouldn’t have a clue,
How much I wish I could have made the right choice when that decision arose.
But unjustly I am now free from the guilt within,
For a reason beyond understanding, my Father has bailed me out.
No payback is required; just the repentance of my sins,
Unfortunately I know I will call on his everlasting love, without a doubt.
I know He sent his Son who was without sin or shame,
To be the human race’s saviour.
Through dying on the cross all of our sins are claimed,
And wiped clean through the undeserved favour.
Ryan Lane 2010
You’re the safest place to hide, when worry gets too much.
The guard of guards, but the softest person to touch.
The comforter at night, when worry gets a grip.
You hold on so tight, it’s impossible to let it slip.
Ryan Lane 2007
I am really priviledged to have grown up in an amazing and unique Church, where I am blessed to be friends with some of the most balanced and down to Earth men and women I know. Their honesty in the way they apply their faith to everyday living has shown me how the message of the Christian faith is still totally relevant to my life today.
Although we may feel, rubbish and worthless,
No matter what we did, it does not make him think any less,
After the peace, and all of his grace,
If we just talk to our God, we can go back to that place.
Ryan Lane 2007
When you’re speaking to me, I get an understanding of peace,
And whatever bad things happened, their affects suddenly cease.
Ryan Lane 2007